Welcome to Fear Week on Karma Baby! I believed I was done with irrational (or rational but manageable) thoughts after the whole Old Mom thing, at least for now, but one struck me as I toured the aisles of Costco this afternoon. I have absolutely no idea why I was thinking of this at all, much less in between the frozen chicken and steel cut oats during peak hustle and bustle time, but I did.
Do you think someone would have the nerve to say that I'm *lucky* that I don't/didn't have to experience morning sickness, a baby's foot in my rib cage or frequent urination? (Totally aside, I have a bladder the size of an ant, so I pee frequently without being pregnant SO THERE!) You know the people I'm talking about - the ones who will inevitably feel sorry for me that I cannot carry a child and try to say something comforting. God help anyone who says that, because by the time I rounded the corner with giant boxes of Rice Krispie Treats (54 in a box, and yes I got some that should last 6 weeks but will only last 3 or 4 weeks at most) I had a slew of responses that were better than my "old mom" comebacks. They all pretty much end with "I'd give anything in the world to carry my own baby, including morning sickness, not being able to sleep because I'm so uncomfortable and weight gain." Now, it could go in two different directions from here:
Direction A: if a woman who has given birth before (I think this would be the major offending group, mind you) I would ask how long it took them to shed the 95 pounds they put on while pregnant. If they got all upset at the magical 95 number, I would offer my apology and tell them I'm glad it was only 50 'cause it looked like much more! I think they'd be distracted with my rudeness and even forget they told me how *lucky* I was to not carry the baby.
Directon B: Please let me preface this with the following. I am completely ok with not carrying the baby. I do not feel like less of a woman and I will not feel like less of a mom. I am so lucky that T involves me as much as we can being 8 hours apart... she calls, shares everything, we see each other when possible, and both Paul and I feel very much a part of the pregnancy. So when I joke like this, it's only because I can. Ok, Direction B: immediately start crying (I have an actor-like ability to do this and it freaks Paul out to no end! I love doing it at awkward moments... LOL!!!). I will tell the offender that I thought I had dealt with the emotions but that they have opened a wound that may never close. I will use my God-given gift of gab to occupy them for more time than they would have ever wanted to talk about that subject and any other subject I can think of.
All in a day's shopping. Thanks, Costco, for the inspiration!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Editor Cleaned Up
Nobody in my family knows about this blog... yet... but I anticipate they will soon as we start to announce the good news. I realize I use words, more particularly A WORD (perhaps starting with the letter "f"), that my mother does not approve of... and therefore, out of respect for her - perhaps even to the detriment of the sentiment - I've edited the post I wrote earlier today to at least not spell out the word. See Mom? You learned me good :) hahaha
An Old Mom
I've been thinking about this topic for a long, long time. It bothers me and I never really anticipated blogging about it because it's not the sunshine and roses part of becoming a mom. I'll just say it: I'm going to be an old mom. I'm seriously hoping that the at-times-all-consuming thought will disappear into the background once the baby is here. I know plenty of people have kids in their late 30s and even into their 40s - but I never strived to be one of them! I'm 38 now and will be 39 when the kid gets here - Paul will be 40 (yet also has a 23 year old non-bio daughter and a 15 year old bio daughter from his first marriage). Being a mom was one of those things I was supposed to check off my list around age 30. That was a miss.
When I'm bored I think of snarky comebacks to the people who will say something about my age and becoming a mom. "It's none of your {bleeping} business!" comes to mind, but I try to be classier than that on most occasions. Most. I had lunch with a co-worker yesterday who doesn't know we're expecting but knows my sister-in-law is, and when he found out my brother will be 36 when the baby is born said something like "Geez they're going to be old when the kid graduates and on social security soon after." I about fell out of my chair. Yeahhhhhhh they'll be getting social security when the "kid" is like 35 - so perhaps right after graduating with his/her second PhD or something - not high school! Funny that it's unfathomable to him to have a kid so late in life... he just had his second kid at 35. Not 25, but 35.
Potential comment: "Is that your grandchild?"
Potential comeback: "No, it's my child. You're probably one of those idiots who's asked a fluffy gal if she's pregnant, only to find out she's not. Get a (the word f***ing would sooo fit in right here) filter! Not everything that comes to mind should come out of your mouth!"
Potential comment: "Is that your grandchild?"
Potential comeback: "F***youverymuch." (to give credit where credit is due, that's from my favorite Lily Allen song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg7jA-H-jMo)
I'll work on those. Unfortunately neither comeback is perfect, although I'm partial to the second one.
Ok, getting too negative. I must remember to celebrate my accomplishments. (This is the part when I get to list the things I'm happy about. I love doing this because nobody else is going to do it for me!)
#1: My health. I've had two kidney transplants and other than needing to shed some weight at the moment, I am in great health.
#2: My marriage. I am married to my absolute soulmate (and I have some serious dating experience for comparison's sake and truly there is NO comparison). I could go on and on and on and on and on (get it?) about him but will save that for an upcoming blog about a sappy wife who is so over-the-moon in love with her husband it makes others ill. Hahaha - not really! Ok, back to the list...
#3: My family and friends. Perhaps not really an accomplishment, per se, but maintaining communication and relationships is tough work at times.
#4: My education. Through the ups (transplant #1) and downs (transplant rejection and subsequent 7+ years of dialysis), I did it. I did it!
#5: My faith. Call it determination, stubbornness or confidence. I truly believe I can steer my life in the direction I want to go. I don't always go with the flow but it's only because I don't let life happen to me. I make it happen, or at least encourage it in a particular direction. Woe is NOT me.
I think that's a pretty complete feel-good list for today.
When I'm bored I think of snarky comebacks to the people who will say something about my age and becoming a mom. "It's none of your {bleeping} business!" comes to mind, but I try to be classier than that on most occasions. Most. I had lunch with a co-worker yesterday who doesn't know we're expecting but knows my sister-in-law is, and when he found out my brother will be 36 when the baby is born said something like "Geez they're going to be old when the kid graduates and on social security soon after." I about fell out of my chair. Yeahhhhhhh they'll be getting social security when the "kid" is like 35 - so perhaps right after graduating with his/her second PhD or something - not high school! Funny that it's unfathomable to him to have a kid so late in life... he just had his second kid at 35. Not 25, but 35.
Potential comment: "Is that your grandchild?"
Potential comeback: "No, it's my child. You're probably one of those idiots who's asked a fluffy gal if she's pregnant, only to find out she's not. Get a (the word f***ing would sooo fit in right here) filter! Not everything that comes to mind should come out of your mouth!"
Potential comment: "Is that your grandchild?"
Potential comeback: "F***youverymuch." (to give credit where credit is due, that's from my favorite Lily Allen song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg7jA-H-jMo)
I'll work on those. Unfortunately neither comeback is perfect, although I'm partial to the second one.
Ok, getting too negative. I must remember to celebrate my accomplishments. (This is the part when I get to list the things I'm happy about. I love doing this because nobody else is going to do it for me!)
#1: My health. I've had two kidney transplants and other than needing to shed some weight at the moment, I am in great health.
#2: My marriage. I am married to my absolute soulmate (and I have some serious dating experience for comparison's sake and truly there is NO comparison). I could go on and on and on and on and on (get it?) about him but will save that for an upcoming blog about a sappy wife who is so over-the-moon in love with her husband it makes others ill. Hahaha - not really! Ok, back to the list...
#3: My family and friends. Perhaps not really an accomplishment, per se, but maintaining communication and relationships is tough work at times.
#4: My education. Through the ups (transplant #1) and downs (transplant rejection and subsequent 7+ years of dialysis), I did it. I did it!
#5: My faith. Call it determination, stubbornness or confidence. I truly believe I can steer my life in the direction I want to go. I don't always go with the flow but it's only because I don't let life happen to me. I make it happen, or at least encourage it in a particular direction. Woe is NOT me.
I think that's a pretty complete feel-good list for today.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
SAHM
SAHM: stay-at-home-mom. I really admire parents who stay home with their kids - well, the ones who are really good at it, at least. Happily, I know lots of mommies who are good at this! Sadly, I also know some who are not. I gave this topic a lot of thought this week and I come back to the same conclusion each time... I'd be a mediocre SAHM. Don't get me wrong, I think I'd enjoy it the majority of the time. Who wouldn't enjoy play dates at the park, trips to the beach, and exploring the zoo on a regular basis? Hell, I wouldn't even mind poopy diapers, sticky peanut butter and jelly hands or strong arming the kid into naptime.
But I just can't imagine being somone's mom as what defines me. I know your identity is hidden once you have kids and that you become so-and-so's mom or dad - and that's cool. But I'm also a working professional who has been employed since... well, since the summer after high school. I'd be lost without my work, without my co-workers and without a professional purpose. I don't want to minimize my excitement about the baby at all. I am soooooo looking forward to this new chapter! I'm just not ready to give up who I am and everything I've done to date.
SAHD on the other hand... I think Paul would be a great stay-at-home-dad :)
But I just can't imagine being somone's mom as what defines me. I know your identity is hidden once you have kids and that you become so-and-so's mom or dad - and that's cool. But I'm also a working professional who has been employed since... well, since the summer after high school. I'd be lost without my work, without my co-workers and without a professional purpose. I don't want to minimize my excitement about the baby at all. I am soooooo looking forward to this new chapter! I'm just not ready to give up who I am and everything I've done to date.
SAHD on the other hand... I think Paul would be a great stay-at-home-dad :)
Friday, July 16, 2010
A New Cousin
I just found out my brother and his wife are expecting their fourth kid the week before our baby is due. How's that for cousins who will be super close in age?!
We were excited about being grandchild #13 for my mom and Bill, and #9 for my dad and Barbara. Now we'll be #14 and #10 if the babies cooperate and are born on/very near their due dates. I also know you can't count on anything like that - they come on THEIR schedule when THEY want to meet the world. We shall see!
We were excited about being grandchild #13 for my mom and Bill, and #9 for my dad and Barbara. Now we'll be #14 and #10 if the babies cooperate and are born on/very near their due dates. I also know you can't count on anything like that - they come on THEIR schedule when THEY want to meet the world. We shall see!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Hello again :)
It's been a while between posts. T had another ultrasound a week ago on July 8th and everything looked great! The baby was officially 8 weeks 4 days at that point with a heartrate of 165.
So I look at pictures like this and think "which end is up??" T nicely pointed out to me that the head is at the bottom, little arm buds in the middle, and feet/tail at the top... all for the approximate size of a raspberry. T has this thing about comparing the size of the embryo - soon to be considered a fetus - to fruit and it makes it so much more relatable. This week we're in the green olive stage, and next week, at Week 10, it'll be as big as a prune. Seriously, they couldn't think of a more appetizing fruit for similar size?? As for due date, they officially said the baby is due on Valentine's Day 2011. Although I know few people hit their due date exactly, this baby will be a love bug no matter what!
So I look at pictures like this and think "which end is up??" T nicely pointed out to me that the head is at the bottom, little arm buds in the middle, and feet/tail at the top... all for the approximate size of a raspberry. T has this thing about comparing the size of the embryo - soon to be considered a fetus - to fruit and it makes it so much more relatable. This week we're in the green olive stage, and next week, at Week 10, it'll be as big as a prune. Seriously, they couldn't think of a more appetizing fruit for similar size?? As for due date, they officially said the baby is due on Valentine's Day 2011. Although I know few people hit their due date exactly, this baby will be a love bug no matter what!
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