The Charmed Life

I would describe my life as charmed. There have been so many more ups than downs. My moral compass has always pointed in the right direction and when I decide I'm going to do something, I do it. People close to me might say I'm stubborn. I think driven is a better word (better connotation at least, right?!). I'm not typically one to say "I wish..." when it comes to goals... I just start trying to reach the milestones on the way to ultimate accomplishment.


Hubby and I were married in March 2009 in the most beautiful of places... Hawaii. We knew we wanted to start a family immediately (reminds me of my stepdad's saying "immediately if not sooner") - and let's be honest, nobody was waiting until the wedding. We knew we faced challenges; we knew it was medically possible, but perhaps not probable or advisable, for me to get pregnant and carry a baby to term because of my medical history (which, in a nutshell, involves two kidney transplants and almost 8 years on dialysis between transplants). When you get married at age 37, it doesn't take long to call on a reproductive endocrinologist for help in the baby-making department. Sparing the infertility trials and tribulations for now, suffice it to say we decided on having a baby through surrogacy in December 2009. By February 2010, we were matched with a wonderful surrogate and began the process of medical testing, lawyers and contracts, and the waiting, waiting, waiting until our embryo transfer on May 28, 2010.


Wait for it, wait for it................


We're gonna have a baby! We just found out last week that we are going to be parents again (him), finally (me) and together (us)! Our surrogate, T, is pregnant! She's 5 weeks 3 days today and I am so excited, nervous, amazed... just a wreck of emotions. And that, if you wondered, is why I am taking to blogging. I want to chronicle this journey so I can remember all of the milestones, important parts, and just daily (weekly, monthly) thoughts along the way.


Backtracking just a bit, at first I wondered if hubby would be as excited to take this journey into parenthood with me. After all, he already has two daughters (22 and nearly 15) from his previous marriage. Don't get me wrong, I knew he would be excited. I'm talking levels of excitement, though. Like maybe he'd be at a 5 or 6 and I'd be at 10. But after watching him this last weekend, and sneaking in comments where I could, I know he's just as excited as I am. He's excited about a new baby and the idea of co-parenting with me (I said the idea for a reason. Let's talk in 9+ months about the reality of co-parenting). I'm excited to be a first-time mom and having him as my co-pilot and mentor along the way. I've seen him in action as a dad and he's made some of the toughest calls a parent should have to make. I know he'll be a great dad... for the third time. Let me also throw the caveat in there that we use the term cautiously optimistic a lot. As happy as we are, we are trying desperately to temper the fleeting and giddy thoughts of baby clothes, strollers and "new baby smell" with the reality of our own misfortunes of loss and dashed hopes.


You'd think getting such happy news of positive home pregnancy tests and positive blood pregnancy tests would put you at ease. Yeah, well, think again. Infertility is the wrong world to mess with if you need instant gratification. It's a roller coaster like no other. At this stage, a roller coaster that goes something like this:


Positive home pregnancy test: "That's a good sign."
First beta hCG: "I think that's in a good range."
   (145 at 10dp5dt)
Second beta hCG: "The doubling time looks great."
   (410 at 12dp5dt)


And then the progesterone cames back low. {music screeching to a halt} What does that mean? It means that T and I are Googling the hell out of low progesterone. She's nervous after having suffered an ectopic pregnancy with her last IPs (intended parents, for you who aren't cool with fertility lingo... LOL!). We're nervous after suffering too many losses/disappointments of our own. We found out through tons of internet research and later a call to the RE's office that the number is low, but expected to be in the low-ish range because it's not absorbed the same way as the standard progesterone in oil or progesterone in ethyl oleate shots. Still, they want it a bit higher and told T to add one more crinone to the mix. She had more labwork done to see if that extra crinone did the trick. The result for progesterone takes a bit longer from the lab, but they did another hCG level and it came back at 6547 (18dp5dt). Another plateau of feeling good, and makes us rest comfortably while waiting for the progesterone results.


And speaking of other results, the first ultrasound is tomorrow. It's very early so they are really looking for the gestational sac and fetal pole. Anything else (like a little flickering light as the heartbeat - too early for sound) is icing on the cake at this point. And because this is my blog I'll just say it: we know to protect ourselves, we also have to consider that there might not be anything there. How awful to feel we have to prepare for the worst all the time. I know we'll get past that. I just don't know when. 35 weeks? 40? Kidding. But certainly further along than we are today, or tomorrow.


But did I mention we're pregnant? Yep. Pregnant. We are at such an amazing place in life right now. I am at such an amazing place in life right now. I really lead a charmed life!