Back to Work. Blech.

I went back to work today. My work is generous and offers a "new parent transition week" which means I can work 20 hours and get paid for 40. Quite frankly, I was not ready for this. Even now - after finishing a 4 hour work day - I'm not ready for this! I had a mini panic attack this morning... like a last minute attempt to figure out how I could NOT go back to work and still pay our bills. I failed to come up with anything doable, because short of selling our house and living like homeless people, it ain't gonna happen.

Of course I knew my return to work day was coming. In fact, I had chest pain that started on Sunday and got worse yesterday. All sorts of things went through my head... like maybe it was a physical symptom of stress (like the idea of returning to work). I went to the doctor and he poked and pushed and diagnosed it as costochondritis (click here to learn more about that) which according to Wikipedia, a diagnostic version of God, if you will, has symptoms similar to those you may have with a heart attack. Alas, it's likely due to hauling a heavy little baby around in a heavy little car seat and his recommendation was to switch the load to the other side of my body. We'll see about that.


I'm pretty sure if I look back through the archives of this blog, I'll find a post about how sure I was I wanted (perhaps even wrote "needed") to work because that's what I know and it's how I define(d) myself. I don't have time to go look for that blurb but that's ok... I'd probably choke on my own words anyway. In case I'm not being clear, let me put it this way: I want to stay home and play with Caleb all day!

Because I don't want to just complain and not have a plan of action, I do plan to do something about this quandary: I will immediately start playing Lotto, the Early Retirement Plan :)