Crazy Costco Thoughts

Welcome to Fear Week on Karma Baby! I believed I was done with irrational (or rational but manageable) thoughts after the whole Old Mom thing, at least for now, but one struck me as I toured the aisles of Costco this afternoon. I have absolutely no idea why I was thinking of this at all, much less in between the frozen chicken and steel cut oats during peak hustle and bustle time, but I did.

Do you think someone would have the nerve to say that I'm *lucky* that I don't/didn't have to experience morning sickness, a baby's foot in my rib cage or frequent urination? (Totally aside, I have a bladder the size of an ant, so I pee frequently without being pregnant SO THERE!) You know the people I'm talking about - the ones who will inevitably feel sorry for me that I cannot carry a child and try to say something comforting. God help anyone who says that, because by the time I rounded the corner with giant boxes of Rice Krispie Treats (54 in a box, and yes I got some that should last 6 weeks but will only last 3 or 4 weeks at most) I had a slew of responses that were better than my "old mom" comebacks. They all pretty much end with "I'd give anything in the world to carry my own baby, including morning sickness, not being able to sleep because I'm so uncomfortable and weight gain." Now, it could go in two different directions from here:

Direction A: if a woman who has given birth before (I think this would be the major offending group, mind you) I would ask how long it took them to shed the 95 pounds they put on while pregnant. If they got all upset at the magical 95 number, I would offer my apology and tell them I'm glad it was only 50 'cause it looked like much more! I think they'd be distracted with my rudeness and even forget they told me how *lucky* I was to not carry the baby.

Directon B: Please let me preface this with the following. I am completely ok with not carrying the baby. I do not feel like less of a woman and I will not feel like less of a mom. I am so lucky that T involves me as much as we can being 8 hours apart... she calls, shares everything, we see each other when possible, and both Paul and I feel very much a part of the pregnancy. So when I joke like this, it's only because I can. Ok, Direction B: immediately start crying (I have an actor-like ability to do this and it freaks Paul out to no end! I love doing it at awkward moments... LOL!!!). I will tell the offender that I thought I had dealt with the emotions but that they have opened a wound that may never close. I will use my God-given gift of gab to occupy them for more time than they would have ever wanted to talk about that subject and any other subject I can think of.

All in a day's shopping. Thanks, Costco, for the inspiration!