An Old Mom

I've been thinking about this topic for a long, long time. It bothers me and I never really anticipated blogging about it because it's not the sunshine and roses part of becoming a mom. I'll just say it: I'm going to be an old mom. I'm seriously hoping that the at-times-all-consuming thought will disappear into the background once the baby is here. I know plenty of people have kids in their late 30s and even into their 40s - but I never strived to be one of them! I'm 38 now and will be 39 when the kid gets here - Paul will be 40 (yet also has a 23 year old non-bio daughter and a 15 year old bio daughter from his first marriage). Being a mom was one of those things I was supposed to check off my list around age 30. That was a miss.

When I'm bored I think of snarky comebacks to the people who will say something about my age and becoming a mom. "It's none of your {bleeping} business!" comes to mind, but I try to be classier than that on most occasions. Most. I had lunch with a co-worker yesterday who doesn't know we're expecting but knows my sister-in-law is, and when he found out my brother will be 36 when the baby is born said something like "Geez they're going to be old when the kid graduates and on social security soon after." I about fell out of my chair. Yeahhhhhhh they'll be getting social security when the "kid" is like 35 - so perhaps right after graduating with his/her second PhD or something - not high school! Funny that it's unfathomable to him to have a kid so late in life... he just had his second kid at 35. Not 25, but 35.

Potential comment: "Is that your grandchild?"
Potential comeback: "No, it's my child. You're probably one of those idiots who's asked a fluffy gal if she's pregnant, only to find out she's not. Get a (the word f***ing would sooo fit in right here) filter! Not everything that comes to mind should come out of your mouth!"

Potential comment: "Is that your grandchild?"
Potential comeback: "F***youverymuch." (to give credit where credit is due, that's from my favorite Lily Allen song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg7jA-H-jMo)

I'll work on those. Unfortunately neither comeback is perfect, although I'm partial to the second one.

Ok, getting too negative. I must remember to celebrate my accomplishments. (This is the part when I get to list the things I'm happy about. I love doing this because nobody else is going to do it for me!)

#1: My health. I've had two kidney transplants and other than needing to shed some weight at the moment, I am in great health. 

#2: My marriage. I am married to my absolute soulmate (and I have some serious dating experience for comparison's sake and truly there is NO comparison). I could go on and on and on and on and on (get it?) about him but will save that for an upcoming blog about a sappy wife who is so over-the-moon in love with her husband it makes others ill. Hahaha - not really! Ok, back to the list...

#3: My family and friends. Perhaps not really an accomplishment, per se, but maintaining communication and relationships is tough work at times.

#4: My education. Through the ups (transplant #1) and downs (transplant rejection and subsequent 7+ years of dialysis), I did it. I did it!

#5: My faith. Call it determination, stubbornness or confidence. I truly believe I can steer my life in the direction I want to go. I don't always go with the flow but it's only because I don't let life happen to me. I make it happen, or at least encourage it in a particular direction. Woe is NOT me.

I think that's a pretty complete feel-good list for today.